Chciałabym, żebyś tu była. Ciągle cię szukam, kiedy jak na ironię, noc wydawała się mniej jasna niż zwykle. Zawsze byłam zakochana w nocy. Ślepo zakochana z całą moją ufnością w cieniach ciemności. Zgasiłam światła, zasłoniłam zasłony ,aby zatrzymać ostatni promyk fałszywej nadziei przed wejściem do środka i rozsypałam już połamane części mojej duszy na poduszkę, aby osobno nasiąkły i wypłynęły z mojego umysłu na zawsze.

Zawsze się zastanawiałam, czemu pragnęłam tych uczuć, które zazwyczaj mnie łamały. 

Ludzie mówią ,że przyciągamy rzeczy, do których nie jesteśmy stworzeni. 

Kocham ideę mojego łóżka będącego blisko ściany. Ściany, solidnej osłony ,która mnie podtrzymuje.

Nie wiem przez ile nocy, będę kładła rękę prosto na ścianę dla dotyku, który mnie nie opuści ,a zostanie.

I wish you were there.I kept looking for you when ironically, the night seemed less clear to me. I had been the lover of the night. Blind lover with all of my trust in the shades of darkness. I turned the lights off, closed all the curtains to stop the last ray of fake hope from coming inside and littered the already broken pieces in parts over the pillow separately to get soaked and washed away from my mind for forever. I keep on wondering, why I always keep craving for the vibes, that always broke me anyhow. People say we attract to the things we are not made up for. I love the idea of my bed being close to wall. A wall, a firm cover to hold me up. I don't know how many nights I will be ending up placing my hand straight on the wall for a touch that won't leave, will stay. I am afraid to even change my side. Numbness stop tears too, and I want it to rest for a moment so that I can breathe. It is hard, hard to get up again when my brain is shouting on me to slow down for the next moment, adding on next and then again next. I wish, forced existence was not the only option left. I wish so so many things but always end up in the dilemma of being nice to me or the people around me. Still I partially try to appreciate the things around me and live and love again. Don't look straight in my eyes, I will start crying. Please don't mix this emotion with sympathy. I have had enough. I don't look for the answers and I don't want you to do the same. Just let me cry when you see me crying, and pull me close, share my space for a second. I want you to forget what happened at the moment and when we meet for the next time, greet me with your fair presence and not judgements, please. Next time when you see me holding a side rail of stairs while coming down, just don't ask if I am okay. I might be feeling stuck and trying to have a hold on shattered pieces. Don't make me feel like a loser by noticing it. That very fine day, when the sun will be shining brighter and every one around will be enjoying victory of living, don't be amazed when you will find me standing in the corner with utmost patience holding on tears because I'd be scared.